The Senility Prayer

 

THE SENILITY PRAYER:

God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones that I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

Now that I’m ‘older (but refuse to grow up), here’s what I’ve discovered:

 

ONE – I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

TWO – I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.

THREE – Funny, I don’t remember being absent minded…

FOUR – All reports are in; life is now officially unfair.

FIVE – If all is not lost, where is it?

SIX – It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

SEVEN – Some days you’re the dog; some days you’re the hydrant.

EIGHT – I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few…

NINE – It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.

TEN – Only time the world beats a path to your door is when you’re in the bathroom.

ELEVEN – If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.

TWELVE – When I’m finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess?

THIRTEEN – It’s not hard to meet expenses… they’re everywhere.

FOURTEEN – The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

FIFTEEN – These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter…I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I’m here after.

SIXTEEN – UNABLE TO REMEMBER IF I HAVE MAILED THIS TO YOU OR NOT AND DOUBT IF YOU CAN EITHER.